i haven’t posted in a while. a lot of that has to do with the fact that the past few weeks have just been crazy busy but even more so, i just didn’t know what to say.
since my last post, i’ve moved back to Bama. the move wasn’t my choice and wasn’t what i wanted but sometimes we just don’t get a say in what happens. i was sent home from philly after some very untrue and ridiculous things were said about me by some co-workers. at first, i couldn’t believe what was happening. it’s still hard for me to understand and comprehend what has happened because the comments and accusations being said about me were the farthest thing from the truth. i’ve always tried to be very helpful and sometimes that is a big fault of my because i end up hurting myself in the long run. i also try to always be respectful of others because that was the way i was raised. it hurts me to think that someone would flat out spill lies about people, in my opinion, with the intention of affecting my job. well, congratulations, you definitely succeeded.
however, throughout this entire ordeal, i’ve constantly been reminded that i have so many people around me that love and care about me. friends, family and even some people i barely know. anytime i tell someone about what has happened over the past few weeks, it’s just as hard for them to understand as it was when i first heard what was going on. it definitely makes this transition a little easier knowing that my friends and family know who i really am.
i’ve been reminded, time after time, that God has a plan and knows exactly what he is doing with every move and every decision. i firmly believe that i was brought back home for some reason. i definitely don’t know what that reason is right now; i’ve been trying to understand but sometimes you just can’t. sometimes, you just have to have faith and trust that God is continually placing you where you need to be. it’s hard to remember that sometimes.
several times over the past few weeks, i’ve been tempted to try and get my side of the story across to upper management with the company i work for. i’ve even gone as far as writing an email to the CEO, which i had every intention on sending. however, through many conversations that i’ve had with different people, i’ve realized that if i do that, i will be playing on the same level as the person who started this all. in no way was the email i wrote disrespectful, nor did i write it with bad intentions but i’ve realized that i’m just not that person.
ever since i got home, this situation has definitely been weighing on me. at one point, it consumed most of my thoughts throughout the day. i would feel embarrassed when people would ask what happened or if i “just didn’t like it.” i thought that the whole situation made me look like I had failed at my job. i was furious about the impression people may have had about me, even if it wasn’t true. i was finally able to work through those thoughts and realized that this situation shows even more the kind of person i am. i didn’t fail, i didn’t give up. i knew those things weren’t true and the people around me knew that but for some reason that just wasn’t good enough for me. i needed people to know that wasn’t the type of person i am and i thought i would get that message across by writing the email. but after writing it and thinking about it, i’ve finally realized that i don’t care what they think of me. i cant let bitterness rest in me because of something someone else said. again, i know the truth about what really happened and so does those closest to me.
after a month, i’ve finally been able to let the situation go. i’ve quit stressing over things that i can’t control and i’m trying to make better things happen because of where i’m at now. i know, for some reason, i’m supposed to be home right now. i know this is all a part of the plan God has for me. one day, i’ll finally understand. until then, i just have to have faith and trust.
at church last night, one particular comment really stuck with me during our worship. bad things happen in life but God is still God. i truly believe that and because i know this to be true, i know my current situation will ultimately be ok because it is a part of his plan.
now, all i can do, is try and figure out the next step. it’s the start of a new adventure, a new journey but right now, i’m just glad i’m getting to spend some valuable time with my family.